EP 93: Being Chosen Isn’t the Goal... Being Valued Is!

This week on Sew Flippin’ Extra, I’m breaking down a truth we all need to hear:
👉 Being chosen isn’t the goal — being valued is.

From relationships to business to boundaries with clients, I’m sharing real stories (yes, even that cheeky discount request 👀) and reminding us that the real flex is knowing your worth.

We also get into:

• Why people will always “try it” — and how you respond sets the standard
• The difference between being picked vs. being valued
• The truth about “icks” and why they only exist when someone’s not for you
• The struggle with fast fashion and why value matters more than cheap clothes
• Upcoming events — Fashion Show & Home Life + You Show

It’s giving self-worth, sustainability, and straight talk. Tune in and let’s talk about being valuable, not just chosen.

Chapters

• 0:00 Being Valued Over Being Chosen
• 5:47 Setting Boundaries with Clients
• 10:02 Fashion Show Announcement
• 12:00 "Icks" Only Exist When They Don't Value You
• 15:55 Sustainability and Fast Fashion Challenges
• 21:22 Upcoming Events and Closing Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

And we're back for another episode. Have you guys missed me? Because I honestly have missed you and I've got quite a lot to say today because I've been gathering up my thoughts. I didn't come, I didn't show up last week. Allow me, but the message I have for you today is being chosen isn't the goal. Being valued is the goal, and that comes into so many different categories. It's in relationships, it's in friendships, it's in business ship. Being chosen isn't the goal, but when someone really appreciates you, appreciates so many different aspects of you your mind, your body, your soul, um, you as a person, your value, your currency, that's what the goal is. So let's get into this episode. So much more to talk about as well. And yeah, hi guys, welcome to another episode of the so flippin extra podcast, a platform for me to express, explore and connect and be so flippin extra why, I hear you ask. Well, because that's what brings me joy.

Speaker 1: 1:20

So, without further ado, let's get into this episode and let's let's talk. So where we at? Um, I feel like my last biggest episode that I had and by biggest, like when I was elaborating was the 43rd chapter. So had my 43rd birthday at the end of August. We're now, I was gonna say mid-September, but we're quite. We're just we're past mid. Now it's the 20th. Today or yesterday was the 20th, so yeah, we're nearly at the end of September.

Speaker 1: 1:56

Like how wild me saying being chosen isn't a goal and being valued is isn't something I just realized, but it's something that is very, as we're going into this chapter and for certain things that have happened in the last few weeks, it really is like apparent and, and especially as I go into the autumn, winter time, a lot of events start coming up. I get a lot of bookings coming up and the whole. I really respect what I do and I look around and I realize there's people need people like me to do what we do and to bring value like we. You can talk the talk, but everyone has their own individual qualities that bring so much more substance to the things that they talk about. So I'm not the only person that talks about upcycling, sewing, sustainability, um, being extra. I'm not the only person, but I am the only me and I need to value that myself. People will only value you if you show them how first you you allow people to treat you the way they treat you, based on what you accept. So people are going to push their luck. They're going to try. They're going to try it. They're going to ask for the discounts they're going to. You know, try and get what they can get. That's what. That's what people do not all people but that's what people do. And you allow it or you don't set boundaries. Know what your boundaries are.

Speaker 1: 3:31

I recently had a client and this client came to me and asked me to do something. And I had to go back on the conversation I had with this client. They wanted me to make them something and they had this, this material, and it's a unique thing to make something out of. And they said, oh my gosh, someone in my building told them that I was here and what I did, and they were like oh my gosh, I've been looking for someone that is able to make this item that I want out of this item that I have and I've had it for so long. And I haven't been able to make this item that I want out of this item that I have and I've had it for so long and I haven't been able to find someone. And here you are, I'm valuable. So I said they are. They told me what they wanted. I said let me just figure out. If there's something I can do based on the time frame you want and, you know, based on the resources that I can get in that time frame, let them know I can do it. We don't have much time to make this garment, by the way, so then when they come back, we have a conversation about it and before they go, I've told him how much it's going to be. They're like can I take, you know, whatever the price was, can I go for £10 less? And I thought about it and this is the me being me like, oh you know, I don't know this person. So you know, sometimes, when it's your friends and family, you're like, oh icky with the price. Sometimes, when it's your people, you're like, oh you know, because we price people based on us as the client and I keep telling people I'm not my client because I can do the job that I do. So I'm not my client.

Speaker 1: 5:04

So this person, this gentleman, asked for a discount and I thought I was like, let me see, because what you're asking for, like the zip that you're asking for, is very specific. I'll see if I can find it. And I went out and I looked and then I thought about it no, I hadn't been out yet. I thought about what he? It's 10 pounds. I thought about it and he's like you know, I understand if you can't because, um, but I've got arcs, which is his way of saying, I just got arcs. I've always got arcs for a discount and I thought you cheeky little git, but people are going to be people and they're going to do what they're going to do. You either allow or you don't. And I couldn't find the specifics that he wanted and um, but I went back to him anyway and I said look, I've decided that I'm not going to give a discount because I don't even source materials for people. People bring what they want to me and I've already actually got the lining for you which is mine. You haven't given me a lining to get, so I haven't charged you for the lining. So, based on whether you want that or not, that's my base price, just starting, and so it's what it is. He said cool, no problem.

Speaker 1: 6:09

Then he asked for another favor. Oh, actually, can you? So I said pick up his, whatever day it is. So he's then asked can you drop it to me? And the old danny would have been like okay, yeah, it's not too far. Yeah, there's a fee for that, so I can, but there's a fee and this is what I need, like every and everyone. Now, this is for everyone.

Speaker 1: 6:32

If you get someone who makes something for you in their studio and you and they, their thing is that you pick it up I'm have, I have dropped off to people before. But if their thing is that you pick up, you have to understand if someone comes to pick something up, I can make alterations then and there, if I drop it to you, I can't make alterations after that and you need to take this the next day. So I thought, do you know what it is? Some people just want to receive something. They want to feel like they're getting a deal. And I've realized with this gentleman he just wants to get a deal from me. So it's like, okay, well, she couldn't do. Maybe she can do this, maybe she can make my life easier. It could make your life easier, but it actually could make your life worse, because if you need any alterations, even if it's like a half an inch, I can't do that once I drop that off to you.

Speaker 1: 7:18

But yeah, I say that to say I went around houses and trees know your value and I am valuable to this person, person. I have to set those boundaries. I'm valuable to a lot of people but, with that said, I need to stop acting like I'm not, because when I act like I'm not, I allow people to treat me like I'm not valuable and it's it can't, it can't run being chosen. You picking me isn't that's, that's not the flex. The flex is that I'm valuable and you see the value in me. So, yeah, act right. I that's the message itself. I need to act right. People are gonna people. You gotta, you gotta be the one that does something about it.

Speaker 1: 8:06

So, yeah, thanks for coming to my TED talk. Do you know what? I actually had a few updates for you from last time and I haven't had an opportunity to update you. So one thing I wanted to talk about was the fashion show that's coming up, which is the 4th of October in Crystal Palace. So if you are interested in attending the fashion show, then definitely hit me up and I can give you more information on that. And also, if you follow me on social media, I will be posting about it next week anyway, so let me know if you're interested in potentially modeling. I still need a few models definitely hit me up and, yeah, I am going to be presenting some of my denim pieces, because that is mostly what I work on, and there's going to be other designers there as well also showcasing their pieces. I think a lot of them are because this is sustainable. It's sustainable fashion week. Um, I'm pretty sure most or all of the designers are sustainable designers.

Speaker 1: 9:07

Last year I walked in the show for a lady called Nicole and, um, yeah, it was great. It was a great show. It was great seeing everyone's pieces, and this year they asked me to come back as a designer. I'm very excited about it, but I'm very, very nervous because I haven't started and every time I've wanted to start, a client's come and obviously I'm like I need the money. So I've had to be like I'm gonna do it. It's gonna happen. So over the next, like during next week, what I'm gonna do is kind of go through the pieces that I've got, because I've got a lot of great pieces that would be great to showcase there anyway. So this is definitely going to be one of the dresses the denim ball and my idea is to take you through different eras. So this is going to be representing the 1950s, and we've got a few other pieces that are going to be on display as well. So I'm really, really, really, really, really excited about it. And yeah, like I said, hit me up if you, if it is something that you'd be interested in coming to see or be part of, okay.

Speaker 1: 10:10

So another thing I wanted to talk about is, um, someone chooses you. That's great. Like you're, like, he likes me, or she, whatever your preferences, he likes me. But do they value you? Do they value what you're about? Do they value you as a person? Do they? Are they showing you that they value you? Like all of those things come into play.

Speaker 1: 10:30

And the other day, someone was talking about ics and stuff, I think was it someone talking to me? I can't remember, but maybe I saw it on social media. Here we go, here we go. It was a video about of these two. They were like they were like teddy bears, but it was a, you know, a motion picture and the female teddy bear was like really clingy to the male teddy bear and he loved it. So, like she climbed in the bed and she like snuggled up to him and then, when they were sleeping, and she wakes up and she realized he's not like hug um, cuddled up behind her, she like puts her foot on him and then she moves him over and all of this stuff like just underneath him, and all of that stuff like he's cute and sexy, whatever.

Speaker 1: 11:12

And someone in the comment said but the men like clingy women. And I commented and I was like, if he likes you, you're not clinging, you're, you're doing the things that he wants you to do. And if clinginess is this love language, you're not clinging, you're only clinging to the person that doesn't want you to cling to them, and so it. And then I was like an ick is only an ick for someone that doesn't like you. That guy that messages you good morning beautiful and you're like, oh, such an ick. The right person messaging you good morning beautiful is not an ick, trust me.

Speaker 1: 11:53

So if you are messaging her good morning beautiful and you are not getting the response that you some men don't even read the responses, honestly like she might be like, hey, what's up? That's not the response. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just saying maybe it is, maybe that's the way she is. Everyone's different, so you have to know who you're talking to. But if the response is not responding, you're not the one. That's all it is and that's fine, and we really have to read the room and females as well. If the response is not responding, it might not be that he doesn't like you. It might just be the way he communicates. So you can have a conversation about that and if he values you and he values how it makes you feel, he's going to change it. She's going to change it. They're going to change it. Whatever it is people are gonna, if they want to make you feel comfortable and they want to make you feel secure and they want to let you know that. No, it's not that. Oh my god, I'm sorry that you feel like that. They're going to do something that makes you feel more comfortable If they choose not to, and you feel like you're giving someone the ick because you're doing too much and you're being too much.

Speaker 1: 13:16

You are giving them the ick and you can do something about it. You can change yourself. I wouldn't advise that, because if what you do makes you feel good, why would you change it? Over the years, I've been that one that is like too much. I'm going to turn it down a bit because I don't want to annoy everybody. I love me. I think I'm flipping amazing. I know there's times and places where I make the choice to turn it down, but I'm not turning it down because you want me to turn it down. And if I feel like I've turned it down because you've made me, I've got the ick. I've got the ick now Because you don't like me for the way I am, then it's embarrassing.

Speaker 1: 13:59

Find people that you love for the way they are, so you don't feel the need to have to change them. Get with people that you actually like, not that you tolerate, so that you don't feel the need to have to change them. You should not be trying to change anybody. Who are you to try and change someone who, unless they want to be changed? Don't change people that don't want to be changed. Don't get with someone that smokes but you don't like smoking, so you're going to try and make them quit. Don't get with someone that drinks. You don't like the fact that they drink, so you're gonna make them quit. Don't get with someone that I don't know. What do they do? They're always at the gym and you don't like them going to the gym, so you try and make them stop. There's so many different things get with people that you you genuinely like. You like it is what they do, you genuinely want to align to people. But then there's always a conversation.

Speaker 1: 14:56

Sometimes people want to change something, but they need the right person to depends what it is like. If it's something that's better for their health, they might want to, but you have to understand they might not be ready to change. So what do you do? Wait how many years? Just don't try and change people. I'm going to take that out.

Speaker 1: 15:16

There are just some things that I don't want to talk about on my podcast, because it's not about that. It's about me, mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way. I'm not. I'm not perfect, unless you think I am. I ain't going to argue with that. A few other things I wanted to talk about.

Speaker 1: 15:33

But September is sustainable. It's really sustainable month. It's sustainable fashion month. Every day is sustainable fashion month, actually. Um, sustainability is in, is everything. It's every conversation. It should be a lot of, a lot more conversations that are having about it, but this is around the time September, october where a lot of things happen around the sustainability.

Speaker 1: 15:58

I was was it yesterday. I was having this conversation. It was a few days ago it was this week, but it was talking about, um, the problem that we have with waste, fashion waste I talk about. I talk mostly about fashion waste. So the problem that we have with waste and I said it's really difficult someone like me sometimes I get really burnt out with wanting to do everything and wanting to be the savior and what. What makes it difficult for me and what like hurts my heart is that and I'm not even trying to be negative I can't see how the change is going to come, because we live in a world where it's so easy To just buy it, rebuy it, buy it new, buy clothes, buy cheap clothes.

Speaker 1: 16:51

And the problem is also is that people don't have a problem looking cheap, and sorry if this offends anyone, sorry, not sorry. People don't have a problem buying cheap clothes. They don't have a problem looking cheap, and not everyone that buys cheap clothes looks cheap in their clothes. But a lot of the time, you see you, we went through that phase where people would show what I bought versus what it looked on and it always looked awful. People are still going to buy stuff. They're still going to buy. They're still going to keep buying from the same companies that are making stuff that look trashy. They're still going to keep buying from these companies that are copying small creators designs and palm cheaply, making them and palming them off as their own. So what do you do about that?

Speaker 1: 17:37

The thing is, we live in this world where we're, at this time, where people are happy to just buy something for that night out to dinner to sit in a dark, a dimly lit, dark restaurant that is hella expensive because it's, you know, one of those restaurants where it's oh, what are they called those Insta-famous restaurants? So they're happy to go spend big money on food in their cheap outfit that they're going to wear one night because it can't last two, because it's so cheaply made, because when they post the pictures online if they post the pictures, but when they post the pictures online, there's face tune that they can make their outfit look decent. In a picture, a cheap, a shitty cheap looking outfit is going to look way better than it does on on in real life. Most of the time, you know, if our face looks beat up, you can smooth it out. There's there's smoothing filters for your face. There's smoothing filters for your clothes. There's filters to like that see-through dress, that dress that is totally see-through and it's awful. You can make it look like it ain't that bad online and so people aren't necessarily even getting in front of people anymore. So no one even knows that you're rocking the cheap looking, crappy outfit. So I don't know.

Speaker 1: 18:59

I feel like this conversation could piss a lot of people off, but it's my opinion. It honestly is my opinion and it's what I see happening. And as someone that does make stuff and upcycle stuff, I have to put a price tag on my time and I can't fight with fast fashion. I'm not going to fight with fast fashion. I don't know what this means for my future, and this is something that I'm working on at the moment.

Speaker 1: 19:26

Like, sometimes I feel like I am coming to the end of creating for other people like I don't know even alterations, like to do alterations. For someone to bring me an outfit to do alterations on and it's already cheaply made and I now have to go and do alterations on it. It's not easy, because sometimes it can actually look worse after I've done, after I've done my work on it, and then it looks like I've done something wrong. The fabric is already cheap, it's already falling apart, it the stitching was already toe up before you gave it to me, but you never noticed it because you bought it from the shop and it was okay. But whatever, where am I going with this? I don't know.

Speaker 1: 20:10

I feel like I'm having a rant day today. It's like I've been missing for too long and now I've come back and I'm like fuck, all you hoes get a grip. Um, yeah, I wanted, I did want to keep it all cute and sweet, but here we are. This is where we're at. Oh, my god, I just had an idea. So I just jacket right and I thought for the denim eras doing punk. But because I've got a denim, I've got a denim one, a denim biker style jacket. We're going to do that. We're going to do punk era Skinny jeans with the patches on. A biker jacket with the studs on oh, oh, oh. A biker jacket with the studs on Ooh, ooh. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. What era's punk? Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. We're back. We're back in the room. That's it. That's it. I've come to the end.

Speaker 1: 21:03

I've been speaking for a long time and I don't like ranting and I feel like I've had a rant I've overshared today, had a rant I've overshared today. I don't know how much of this will go out because I might edit and be like, oh, I might be like I'm being a pussy and I'm not gonna post that. So we'll see. We'll see um other information to tell you guys what's coming up. What events are coming up. The home life and you show is coming up.

Speaker 1: 21:25

I'm gonna be hosting on the inspiration stage for the weekend that is the 18th and 19th of October. You lot hear me talk about this show every year. I absolutely love it. That's my family and I'm so excited to be back this year. So if you go on my Instagram, you can go to the link and purchase your tickets from there as well. So many great speakers are going to be coming through the doors on different stages throughout the weekend.

Speaker 1: 21:56

So make sure before time, you definitely have a look online, have a look where speakers are going to be, what they're speaking about and, yeah, go find them, go connect. If you have no one to go to the show with, definitely come on your own. Every year, there are so many people that come to the show on their own and make have end up coming back the next year in the next year with their new friends and their new family. And yeah, it's amazing. It really is um family time. So everyone who's involved in the home life and you used to be clean and tidy home show, but everyone that's always involved every year we get really excited around this time.

Speaker 1: 22:33

So, cheese balls and yeah, I'll be giving you a lot more information next week on that. Actually, no, next week's episode I've already recorded and that is a dedication to caden. So, yeah, the week after I'll be giving you some more information on that, and the week after after would be the weekend of the fashion show. So, like I said, holler at me if you're interested in coming to the fashion show or being part of it and somehow I mean even if you just want to help me backstage would probably be really helpful, because I'm a one-man band most of the time. So, yeah, um, and yeah, I guess that's it. I've got more notes. So definitely in the next couple weeks we'll be hitting those, or I'll just be hitting them on my Instagram and we'll just be continuing the conversation.

Speaker 1: 23:14

Um, peace out a town down west side is the best side? Do I believe that? Not really, but what I do know is, wherever I'm at the vibes at. So follow the vibe, make sure you follow me, make sure you're connecting with me, make sure you're sharing me, because I got. I got good things to say and I'm fun. I'm a fun time. It just is what it is. I know I'm the vibe. Love you guys. Bye.