EP 90: Faking Confidence, Finding Myself: Post-Breakup Growth & Delulu Diaries

This week I’m diving into the chaos and clarity of what it really means to fake it till you make it — and whether it ever goes too far. From navigating dating after a 16-year relationship to figuring out who I am without the labels of partner or parent, I’m breaking down how I used a sprinkle of delusion to rebuild my confidence, my voice, and my sense of self.

We’re talking self-expression, setting new boundaries, rediscovering pleasure (yes, even that kind), and how online dating became a mirror for the version of me I was becoming. Plus, Callie just turned 12 (how sway?!) and I’ve got some juicy new workshop ideas bubbling too.

If you’ve ever questioned whether you’re doing too much, trying too hard, or pretending your way into power — this one’s for you.

Chapters

• 0:00 When is Fake it Till You Make it Too Much?
• 5:19 Discovering Post-Breakup Confidence
• 9:34 Celebrating Authenticity and Self-Love
• 13:20 Callie's 12th Birthday and Celebrations
• 16:03 Creative Workshops and Upcoming Events
• 17:39 Showing Up Despite Imperfections

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

and we're back. Welcome to another episode of the so flip and extra podcast, a platform for me to express, explore and connect and be so flip and extra why I hear you box. Well, babes, that's what brings me joy. So, without further ado, let's get into this week's episode. And the question I'm asking this week is when is fake it? Till you make it a little bit too much? Can fake it till you make it be a little bit too much? We gonna learn. Till you make it be a little bit too much, we gonna learn today, and maybe we're not gonna learn, because I'm having a conversation with you guys, but kind of like with myself. So this is my thoughts about fake it till you make it, let's go.

Speaker 1: 0:38

So, when is fake it till you make it just a little bit too much? I don't know. I Honestly, I think it depends on the person. It depends on the level of your delulu. And listen, one thing I ain't about to do is tell you what's too delulu or not too delulu, I don't care, that's your business. If being delusional makes you feel good, makes you feel fulfilled, makes you feel all the things you need, you need to feel, then what's it got to do with anyone else. But let me tell you a situation under Lulu with me.

Speaker 1: 1:16

So when I finished uh, finished, is that the right word when my children's father and I broke up, that's the better terminology my baby father. But when we when my children's father and I broke up, that's the better terminology my baby father. But when we at my children's father and myself broke up, I had no intentions of dating for a while. But I also wanted to find what makes me tick, learn a lot more about myself. I just I knew I didn't want to jump into a new relationship because I thought I've been with the same person for 16 years. And who am I at this point? Who even is Daniela? What do I like? What don't I like? What is my thoughts and what are thoughts that I've made mine based on his beliefs, as a parent, as a single person, as me, as a black woman, as a single person, as me as a black woman, as a mum, like all of these things. So I wanted to stay single and learn these things. But at the point where I decided that I was ready to date, I went.

Speaker 1: 2:13

I started doing online dating and I really found that online dating helped me. For this reason that I'm going to mention. It enabled me to have conversations that I would have to meet someone and actually physically go on a date with them with. And I think when you're on a date, people are. It's like networking people are trying to be the best version of themselves like, but who even are you? Do you even know who you are? And I think there's some conversations that you can have when you're speaking to someone that you can figure out certain things about people.

Speaker 1: 2:48

So my first thoughts were I get to be who I want to be in this moment. There's only a certain amount of time that you can be fake for and you can be outside of your authentic, natural self. So I was like I get to be the person. It wasn't even be somewhat the person I'm not. It was I get to be the person that I really want to be. That I felt that I couldn't maybe be in that relationship. Or I get to be the person that I'm working towards, because what happens in life is that people know you where you are, they know you where they met you, and so for someone that's known you from when you've been 20 years old, 21 years old, when you are just learning yourself, you don't even know yourself. This is pre-adult concept and thoughts that knew you when you were still just coming up and not knowing yourselves. It's hard for them to accept a new version of you when you're ready to become that new version Not all the time, but I guess I'm talking about in my situation.

Speaker 1: 3:54

So I thought I get to be that Daniela Confident, confident. I feel like confidence was one of my main things. I wanted to be confident Daniela. I wanted to be Daniela who knew what she wanted in so many different forms. I guess the main form was within a relationship, within my oh, my god, am I even gonna say this within my sexual needs. I wanted to be able to be forthcoming with what my needs were within a relationship, something that I very much felt like I shied away from previously.

Speaker 1: 4:30

Like you know, you know something's like oh, what do you like and how do you like? And this was be my reaction. I'm turning back into that girl and I'll be like oh, I don't know, what do you like? Shut up, bitch, what do you like? Fuck's sake, man. So I got to be her. That was just like well, this is it what you gonna do. So it excited me that I got to set rules and boundaries for myself and, like I said, it wasn't that I was trying to fake it. Well, I was, because I felt like I was faking it till I made it to the point where now I mean I still get a little bit stupid. I'm like, hmm, what? Okay, okay, cool.

Speaker 1: 5:22

Basically, you know if I'm talking to the right person, that actually needs to know my business, because that's my business. But I I'm so much more confident with being forthcoming, with what excites me and what is my go-to and I mean, I guess what turns me on in many different aspects, not only sexually, but just life, like what gets you going in life. But I had to be by myself to become that person and know these things. But I also had to fake it till I made it, because I knew what it was but I wasn't able to be expressive with it. So I've got to express that. That's a fake it till you make it. I feel like everyone needs to do even with networking. You get to walk into a room where no one knows you and you get to decide the person that you're going to be and, majority of the time, that person that you decide that you want to be is the version of you that you feel like you're not being enough, and I think that's great for you. I think that's a great fake it till you make it. If your fake it till you make it is so outside of yourself that it makes you into an arsehole, if. But if that's what you want to do, then that's what you want to do. But I guess I'm saying it in a sense of I've met, I've come across people, and I've met people that it's really changed their authenticity of themselves. Now this is just again, this is my opinion.

Speaker 1: 6:40

One thing I talk about on the so flipping extra podcast is be you. If you want to be an arsehole, be a flipping arsehole. But be an arsehole with your chest like that's your business. That's none of my business, because one thing that we me and my crew are not going to do is stay where it doesn't feel good. We're not. If we have. No, we have no need to stay there, no need to work on whatever that is and whoever this is resonating with. This means something different to everyone, but if it doesn't feel great, then we're not staying there. So let people be who they want to be. Me personally.

Speaker 1: 7:16

I want to be able to show up in the room as me because I love me so much. I think I'm flipping awesome. I think I'm great. I think my little ishams that are not so at the top of the class are not all in set A. Is it set A? I don't even know. I think that makes me me, because I'm not trying to pretend to be something that I'm not. I'm not trying to pretend to be the smartest tall in the room. I don't need to be. I'm the most creative one. Not always, and I might not be the most creative, but I'm. I'm great enough for what it is that I want to be and that serves me well. And when, when I, when I, when I get to the level of professionalism as a presenter that I'm aiming for, she looks just like me. She might know some more bits, a little bit more, and she might be more, even more, skilled on presenting, and she might be, her presentation might be a bit more presentating, but she, she looks and sounds exactly how I am now. I'm not trying to change myself to fit in anyone else's box. I am me and I think I'm awesome.

Speaker 1: 8:26

So why is my phone never rings? Who? What the hell? Who is this? What do you want from me? I'm so tempted to find out who this is. Let's okay, let's go see. I'll let you guys know. Maybe it depends who it is. I'm so, I'm so happy. Oh, it's callie. She wants to order something on amazon. It depends who it is. I'm so happy. Oh, it's Callie. She wants to order something on Amazon. She wants a new phone case. My mum bought her a phone for her birthday. By the way, where was I? I can't remember where I was. I can't remember. But yeah, let me tell you about Callie. So Callie's birthday was this week. Just switch the subject like that. Callie's birthday was this week. Just switch the subject like that. Callie's birthday was on Wednesday. She turned 12. My baby girl turned 12. I went down memory lane. Happy birthday to me the day I gave birth. Today I brought life into this life Because, as women, it is so important to celebrate your birthing day, because that's a big deal.

Speaker 1: 9:24

I feel like women don't get enough credit. I know some women do, like some women get, you know, push presents. I've never received a push present in my life. I've only pushed two, but I've not received one. But it's, it's a big friggin deal, pushing a whole human being out of your pumpum, like literally. It's a big, it's a big deal. So, yeah, always celebrate yourself on your child's birthday. Because you did that.

Speaker 1: 9:45

So we celebrated Callie's birthday on Tuesday and because for some reason, a baby girl is popular today, yeah, we celebrated Callie's birthday, um, and yeah, so hopefully next week. They've been at their dad's this week and Caden came back from America on. He came back on Tuesday. Yeah, callie's birthday is on Wednesday, so they are going to be back with me from Sunday. So I will do Callie's birthday podcast and then next week's episode will be episode with Callie. So make sure you tune in and we're going to be talking to a 12 year old, a 12 year old adult. Can I call her that? I don't know. So if you've got any questions that you want me to ask Callie for her 12th birthday podcast episode, definitely send them in to me and I will make sure we answer them on next week's episode. But yeah, do you know what?

Speaker 1: 10:44

This week has been a great week, what's that? I've been busy this week, but I really enjoy busy. I enjoy busy until I can't enjoy busy because maybe I've gone into burnout and the great. The reason why I've enjoyed this week's busy is because my busy involves doing the things that I love. So it involves doing my modeling with the carnival angels, where we get to be a corporate event and we are just hosting the event and looking cute and looking pretty and wearing carnival costumes. I love carnival costuming and I love modelling, so it's great. And then, so that was on Thursday and Friday, and then today I've literally just come in, so I've done a workshop today that was in South East London. I've just come back, so I'm done a workshop today that was in southeast London. I've just come back. So I'm now in my studio quickly doing this podcast so I can just relax for the night. So I'll either edit this tonight or edit it in the morning.

Speaker 1: 11:30

And yeah, I told you guys, I'm trying to show up this this season. I'm trying to show up as it is, in the chaos, in the mess. If I was thinking how I was thinking before, I'd be like, oh, I'll just do one online because I can't be bothered. But I have the ring light, I have the camera, I have my backdrop now, which you know. If the backdrop weren't there, the mess would look even messier. So work with what you've got. Work where you are. If it's not up here, I could do it downstairs. I don't need the backdrop. But we make excuses for all the, all the reasons why we can't do stuff where sometimes. Just do it because you can Do it, because you do have a podcast, do it because you do have a studio, do it because you do have the backdrop, do it because you have spent money on all your gear. You have the mic, you have the camera, you have the light. Just do it because you can and keep showing up.

Speaker 1: 12:18

Yeah, what else have I got to tell you guys? I'm thinking of what I've got coming up. Have I got anything coming up this week that I want to tell you? Do you know what? Today was really good? At the event today we did speak a lot about. Everyone was so interested in my workshops and I've got so many workshops that I want to do and I'll run a few by you.

Speaker 1: 12:35

I'm not scared of someone stealing my ideas, because the energy is the energy and the vibe is the vibe, and the vibe is always so flipping extra when you book me as a host whereas you can go to someone else who can do the same workshop as me and it's not gonna be the same one specifically for young children. So it could be callie's age callie being 12 or younger that enjoy making dolls clothes. I posted posted a picture this week. Let me see if I can, if I have access to it quickly. I posted a picture this week of some of Callie's creations that she's made for her dolls over the years and it's an old picture, so these are old creations that she's made and just all the joy that she's had when she was making these creations for her dolls.

Speaker 1: 13:19

And I thought how one of my friends messaged me and they was like my daughter and his daughter would get on so well together because they could literally just sit and make dolls clothes. And yeah, and this is an idea that I've had before to do a workshop where kids can just come and make dolls clothes for their dolls for so, whether it's their Barbie doll or their I don't know real life doll looking bigger clothes, I think it'd be so great. Hang on, here's the picture. So this is Summer Cally's outfits. That's a carnival. Oh, hang on, go back, go back. That's a carnival costume there in the corner. So, yeah, I have so many scraps. And when Cally was younger, she would literally sit at the foot of my sewing machine while I was sewing and pick up the scraps and make outfits for her dolls. So amazing. She's got so many memories from that And'm like there must be loads of other kids that would enjoy doing that in a group setting.

Speaker 1: 14:19

So that is a workshop that I want to do or that I will be doing. Obviously I have this, the sip and so's that I want to do. My main thing is finding space. If I know that there are enough people interested, a hundred percent I will book a space that's big enough to hold everyone. But if I don't get enough bookings, I just don't have the funds right now to pay for somewhere that is not going to have enough people in the seats. I also have normal customizing workshops, so denim customizing workshops. Come and customize your jacket or your jeans. Let's just extra fire up, make it look dope, make it look unique, make it look sexy all of that stuff, especially now. The t-shirt customization workshops are great because we've got carnival coming at the end of the month, which means that you can book on. Bring your t-shirt and I will show you how to customize it, so that's different and unique from anyone else's t-shirt. So that is a workshop that I hopefully want to do in the next few weeks. To be honest, definitely. Let me know if any of the workshops that I've mentioned if you'd be interested in any of them, because they've got to get done.

Speaker 1: 15:20

I absolutely enjoy doing workshops. Doing things like today just remind me why I love doing what I do Just seeing people come alive in their creativity and make something unique. Everyone was given the same canvas pouch and made it how they wanted it to look in each and every one of them I think there was maybe 10 women each and every one of them was just different and unique and it was so perfect, and this is what I love about upcycling. This is what I love to teach people. You don't have to look like everyone else, even if you bought it from the same place that everyone else bought it. You can make yours unique to you, and I just think that's just so beautiful and amazing.

Speaker 1: 15:57

Other events I got coming up is the the home, life and you event, which I will be hosting the inspiration stage. This year. I've hosted the extra stage two years in a row. This year I'm going to be hosting the inspiration stage. I'm so excited. I love the home life and you home, um.

Speaker 1: 16:14

It was previously called the Clean and Tidy Home Show. So if you've heard me talk about the Clean and Tidy Home Show, you know I'm there every year, absolutely love it, show up, show out, show off and get the opportunity to speak to people about what it is that they do. So the reason why they changed the name from the Clean and Tidy is because it made people think it was just about clean and tidy. But it's not. It's about your home, your life and you. I've learned so much in the last two years just being at the clean and tidy home show and having the opportunity to interview people and be in my present presenting bag. So definitely get your tickets for that. If you don't know the link, follow home life and you or dm me and I'll send you the link for it. Uh, I should, actually it should really be in my bio by by the time this goes out. It'll be in my bio. What else have I got? I should have a fashion show coming up for Sustainable Fashion Week. I haven't 100% confirmed if I'm doing it because I'm getting cold feet, just in case. So I'm making excuses, and I don't need to make excuses, I just need to get the ting going.

Speaker 1: 17:11

Has this even been recorded? This ain't been recorded. I don't know how much of this has or hasn't. Has it even recorded any of it? At what point did it stop recording? Oh, okay, let me just keep going. Um, I do need to check what's recorded, though. I've just been talking for the sake of talking, but, with that said, I do think I've come to the end of this episode, because I need to know how much I was talking without actually recording. God damn it. Ah, so yeah, this is. This is recording.

Speaker 1: 17:39

When you're on your own and you're doing these things on your own, you don't know what you're doing half the time, but we keep it moving, we keep it rolling and we keep showing up, because one day, the fruits of your labor are gonna be so freaking juicy and I love that for us. So let's keep showing up and doing the things that we love and spreading our good vibes and good joy and our words of wisdom, our fun, our excitement, showing people that you can do what you love, show up as you are, be authentic and still win. I love you guys. Peace out eight A-Town down West side is the best side. Do I believe that? I mean not all the time, but what I do know is, wherever I'm at the vibe's at and the vibe is here every single week, every single Sunday new episodes. Sometimes I'm late, sometimes not, but you know, I love you guys and I love you for loving me. Bye.