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The Sew Flipping Extra Podcast
Welcome to the The Sew Flipping Extra Podcast
A platform for me to Express, Explore, Connect and over all be Sew Flipping Extra… why because that brings me joy.
I'd like to describe this podcast as a Self-Improvement podcast. I mostly hope to make you laugh but i'm not gonna lie, you might cry too, as well as think and grow through conversations with other experts in their field.
The Sew Flipping Extra Podcast
EP 70: Love Languages, Icks, and Keeping It Real This Valentine's Day!
Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and I’m diving deep into the world of love languages, gift-giving, and those awkward little icks we all pretend don’t bother us (until they do). 🌹🍫 But don’t worry, this isn’t your typical sappy V-Day chat—I’m keeping it sustainable, personal, and Sew Flipping Extra, as always.
I’m sharing why chocolates and flowers might not be the way to your partner’s heart (especially if they’ve got hay fever like me 😂), how being single for six years changed my view on gift-giving, and why understanding love languages is a game changer in relationships, friendships, and even parenting.
Oh, and let’s not forget those hilarious “ick” moments—because sometimes, it’s not the act, it’s just them. 😏
Got a juicy Valentine’s Day story? Good, bad, or downright embarrassing? Slide into my DMs—I want to read them out in next week’s episode! 💌
Tune in for laughs, real talk, and a little bit of self-love magic. 💖
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So in less than a week, it is going to be Valentine's Day, and in the light of Valentine's Day, I thought I would talk about something that is actually quite important to me and it's making Valentine's Day more sustainable. And that might sound really boring, so stay with me, because I'm going to make it exciting. I'm going to make it exciting, I'm going to make it interesting, and this is genuinely how I think about a lot of things, especially events that come to gift giving and stuff like that, and I came across a post on my TikTok that I posted a good few years back this could have been maybe three years ago and in the post I was saying that you can either listen to me or you can choose not to listen to me because I'm single. So what the hell do I know, but I've been single for uh god, is it five years or is this year going to be six? I think this year is going to be six years.
Speaker 1:I've been single, and one thing that I've learned from being single and not receiving gifts the way I used to receive gifts is that receiving gifts is sometimes a whole bunch of bullshit, because what people tend to do is they give you what they want to give you as opposed to what you want. They give you what's going to make them feel good, and this is not everyone. So, if this isn't, you keep scrolling, but stay, keep, stay listening, but keep scrolling. So, and what I mean by that is that Valentine's Day, what is the main things that people give on Valentine's Day? I'll let you answer in your heads One, two, three. The main things that people give on Valentine's Day are flowers and chocolate. So cliche, but these are the gifts that people give and it represents romance chocolates and flowers. And this is in this post, this particular post that I came across of mine, that I was talking about. I was talking about how, if you're with someone or you're dating someone, or you're seeing someone, and you've been around them enough and they don't really eat chocolates, it's not their thing, for whatever reason. They could be lactose intolerant. They could be lactose intolerant, they could be watching their weight training, all of this shit, or they're just genuinely not a chocolatey person, but maybe they like sweets. Do you know what I'm saying? Would you still buy them chocolates, a box of chocolates, just because it's Valentine's day and it's presented in a heart shaped box? And there's a lot of people that would, again, presented in a heart-shaped box, and there's a lot of people that would again.
Speaker 1:Most people that know me know that I'm shit with plants. I try, I try my best to be a plant mom. I really do, I really really do, but out of sight, out of mind. That thing could be on my window ledge. Out of sight, out of mind. I didn't see you for two weeks and now you want to be all crusty and dry on me.
Speaker 1:So I love flowers. I do like okay, love is a I'm using it too strong. I like flowers. They're cool. I have hay fever though, so you know, in the summertime it's a little bit techy.
Speaker 1:But I went through a phase where I was trying to be this new woman and I was buying myself flowers. I'm not I'm gonna buy myself flowers every week. Their motherfuckers died. They died way too early than they should have, and I just was. I'm just not that person.
Speaker 1:But there are some things that I really do love. And if I was seeing someone so this is not me giving out tips and hints to anyone that might be listening that wants to give me a little Valentine's Day gift, putting their hair that's not there behind my ear. But if someone was buying me a gift for valentine's day and for someone that really knows me, for those people that are listening that really know me, I could imagine in their head they could say what they would buy me as a gift for valentine's day just to say I'm thinking about you or I know you enjoy this. It would be a bottle of red wine and maybe even a pack of harry bows. If you wanted to do the sweet thing, a pack of harry bows would do well. Like and the and the baby, the baby harry bows. Like they're my favorite like, just like biting off their heads. And you know, sometimes I like doing. I like taking off one like a yellow one's head and mixing it with a red one's head and then swapping them, making them interracial. I never, ever thought of them, of it as that I was making them interracial, but I never, ever thought of it as that I was making them interracial, but that just came to my mind. But whatever, but these are little things that I like.
Speaker 1:Maybe this isn't something that I genuinely eat often, but donuts, if you was going to get me something sweet, I do like a little treat. I like a cake, oh my God, I love lemon, a lemon donut, a lemon drizzle cake, a lemon, something like. People that know me, they know these little things about me. So this is my thing. If it's coming up to Valentine's Day and you're seeing someone and you just want to get them a gift, if you're not sure that's a conversation, maybe like babes, what do you like like? What's your favorite sweet, what's your favorite treat? I mean, if they're cottoned on or they're clocked on, they might be like, look at this one trying to find out what I like to get me a gift. Make sure you get them that gift, because I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 1:When someone starts asking you around your birthday or your Christmas or Valentine's Day, what do you like? What do you like to eat, where do you like to go? And then the date comes and rolls over and the tumbleweeds come with it and nothing happens. It's hella disappointing because we made up a whole story in our heads. We made up a whole story that someone was going to take us out. Oh my god, they're going to take me out. They're going to take me out. Oh my god, they're going to take me out. I wonder where they're going to take me. And then nothing happened, embarrassing. But with that said, let's get into the intro so that we can start this juicy episode, episode number 69 plus one, I believe.
Speaker 1:Hi guys, welcome to another episode of the so Flippin' Extra podcast, a platform for me to express, explore and connect and be so flippin' extra why, I hear you ask. Well, baby, that's what brings me joy. So, without further ado, let's crack on with the episode. And, yeah, let's just see where it takes us. Love you, okay. So obviously last week. Right, crack on with the episode. And yeah, let's just see where it takes us. Love you, okay. So obviously last week, right, I realized, okay, there's two things that I realized last week is that I make mistakes a lot of the time. When I make these mistakes, I don't really care, because I'm a human being and human beings make mistakes.
Speaker 1:So, first thing is that today I've called today's episode, or this week's episode, episode 69 plus one, because, from what I had jotted down last, the week before, the episode was episode 68, which meant last week's episode was episode 69. And I was like, oh my God, it's episode 69. We should have a juicy, juicy episode for episode 69. Juicy, juicy episode for episode 69. Wink, wink, if you know what I mean, right? And then I was like but I don't want to call it episode 70, because the number 69 just kind of makes me chuckle. However, your silly little friend Danny Dawks here realised that I've got two episodes 68. Who does that? So the week before's episode was episode 68 and the week before that was episode 68, cause obviously I made a boo-boo.
Speaker 1:So this is technically episode 71. It's a whole big mess. It's a whole big mess. But you know what. Start where you are. I'm a one woman band. I record the episode on my own. I edit the episode on my own. I post the episode on my own.
Speaker 1:Did I say edit? I think I did. I can't even freaking, remember? I ain't got a crew of people in front of me telling me remember that. I ain't got no one that's going to listen to this and take stuff out. That didn't sound right. I'm going to do it all myself.
Speaker 1:So we make mistakes, but you know what we jog on, and it's just when, while you can, because one day I hope to have a team of people, and when I have that team of people, everything's not gonna be as authentic. Do you realise that While you're doing it by yourself and you're building yourself and you're building your brand and you're building whatever it is. Everything is so authentic because it's just you. I say so authentic. People on their own can be very fake as fuck as well, but whatever, but it's all you and you give into it what you want. And right now my episode is raw and authentic because it's me. Raw. Episode 69, last one Okay, do you know what?
Speaker 1:We're not doing it? We're not. I don't think we're making this a dirty episode this week, guys. I don't think we are. And it would have been a good one because it's a Valentine's Day, spesh. Actually, I think next week's one will be a valentine's day special.
Speaker 1:But, oh my god, okay, sorry, sorry. I know you guys listen to my podcast and like she's the adhd is adhd in today. I've got, I've. I feel like I'm having three conversations at once. My brain is moving faster than I can even think right now. Okay, breathe, wow, okay, where even was I? Okay, next week's episode, feel like I want, I want you lot to send me your Valentine's Day stories Good stories, bad stories, horror stories, like I need, I need some Valentine's Day stories.
Speaker 1:Send them, please, please. I'm actually begging. I never beg you lot for shit. I don't ask you lot for nothing. I'm asking you to send me for next week. Oh, I want to read them out. I love it. Okay, cool. Oh god, okay, I think I've got the worst, the worst and the best one yet, but it will be. I'm not even going to say it's from me. It's going to be what's that word? Anonymous. Okay, let me go back to what I was even talking about. I think I've forgotten. I think I've forgotten authenticity, self, all of that stuff. Okay, cool. Do you know?
Speaker 1:The other thing I wanted to talk about this week, though, I had I have some boom conversations. Do you know why I have boom conversations? Last week's episode, I was telling you a lot about the people. You have to keep the right people around you so that the conversations you're having, they're flowing in the right directions. Oh my God, this week I have felt really blessed, and last week's was heavy on manifestation. The manifestations manifested this week and I'm so grateful for that. Stay in gratitude. I hope you guys are still doing your gratitude list every week as well, like I'm loving this for us. Let's keep manifesting and getting the things we want, but we have to stay grateful for where we're at.
Speaker 1:But a conversation I was talking about this week is about love languages, love languages and x actually. But I want to talk about love languages. Let me go back a few years when I've done a little stint on hinge and it's a question that comes up quite a lot and I happen before. Love languages was this friggin big old, you know fad or whatever. It was a whole trendy thing.
Speaker 1:I read love languages, I had the book and I probably had this book over 10 years ago. I got the five love languages book when I was obsessed and addicted to self-help books and stuff. So I read about love language. No, oh, my god, okay, yeah, it could have been. It could have been over 10 years ago, because I'm still trying to save my relationship, actually, and I remember reading it and it making so much sense. I was like, oh my gosh, that makes sense. Like I want this person to love me this way, but their love language is different, so they're loving me that way, so I just need to love for me to to get onto their wavelength. I need to love them with their love languages. So I would um share this with my person at the time.
Speaker 1:And do you know what? If you, if you learn something through reading, it's really hard for someone to listen to you if they're not there. It's better for them to read it and want to invest in it. They have to want to invest in it. You can't make people invest in stuff without them wanting it, and it just kind of felt like I was just in it on my own at the time, so it didn't. It didn't correspond like I love.
Speaker 1:I love little messages like so, oh, more blushing. You would always have a coffee in the morning, so I'd like to sometime. I wouldn't do this all the time. I'm not. I'm not a perfect person, I'm not a perfect girlfriend, please, but I would like to. Sometimes, if I remembered or whatever, I'd put like a little note, especially if I was up early. Put a little note by the, by the kettle and all that shit, um, saying have a lovely day, love you. And I even like, used to like, put in like little messages. Sometimes if I was sending my one of the kids on a school, I might put a little message in their lunchbox like you're amazing, have a great day.
Speaker 1:I like cutesy, little things like that. That's one of my love languages. It took me a while to learn that, though, and I wanted that back done back to me. I wanted notes. I wanted cute little notes like like surprises. I love, you know, little surprises that I can give people, because I'm not, you know, don't have all the money to like buy the big gifts, but I love giving little gifts. So, when I can like, I love to give a little gift. Like I love to be out and see a pack of I don't know plantain crisps and know that you know someone, someone else gonna like this, I'm gonna buy you a pack of plantain crisps and then have them taste the plantain crisps and be like do you like the plantain crisps? Like shit, like that. So I like little things. I'm a very I show affection in little things that I do, but I felt like, because that was my love language, that's what I was doing and it wasn't being reciprocated, so it was trying to find that middle ground.
Speaker 1:Anyway, without someone reading and understanding the love language, the love languages, at that time, like I said back then, it wasn't a thing. It wasn't something that everyone was talking about. I probably had heard three people talk about this love, the love languages and just came across this book. I might have even found it in a charity shop and so, or someone might have recommended it to me and so it just it didn't work. It didn't work for me. For that reason, I understood my understanding myself, but I wasn't able to understand my partner. But I also got the book Love Languages of Children, which helped me understand the kids at the time and what their love languages are and how you deal with your children based on what their love language are. So, again, learning that Callie's love language is words of affirmation. What was Kay's? I can't remember what Kay's was, to be honest, but Callie's definitely is and still is words of affirmation.
Speaker 1:And so, anyway, the conversation I was having this week, let's jump back on track. I feel your love languages will change, can change from person to person, situation from situation, year to year, based on what you're exposed to. So I feel like when I said I more of recently learned that my love languages was words of affirmation, words of affirmations wasn't something that was presented to me years before. It was like, maybe, quality time, like just someone wanted to spend a lot of time with you and had quality time and stuff like that, and so it's not even that those things were important to me, but I knew they were important to other people and it's just stuff that you do, like you know. But when this person I was talking to, I was saying to them I've had someone poor and I've had people in the in the later parts of the the, you know, the last few years, when I really focused on myself, I've had people, poor, words of affirmations into me, whether it's people the opposite sex, people that like me or fancy me, um, someone I might be dealing with they're pouring words of affirmation into me. My friends, they pour words of affirmation into me and I've learned that that is my love language.
Speaker 1:So through years, that love language has changed and it's really important. Like, if I'm with someone and I'm around someone again, whether it's male or female, friends or lovers, words of affirmations is something that's important to me and it's also something that I give to other people. Like, if you're my people, I will pour words of affirmations into you. Like, sometimes I feel like sometimes it can come across that I'm being like, really like, oh, wow, that's absolutely amazing. Like it really blunt, but it's it is I like I want you to feel good, so I do it to my kids. I do it to Callie. Oh wow, callie, that's absolutely magnificent. It's shit sometimes, but that's what she wants to hear and I'm gonna give her what she wants to hear because it makes her feel good. It doesn't matter what I think of it. As long as you love it, it's great. Is that bad? I don't know, but I like, I love to make people feel good. I love to for someone to leave thinking Dan uplifted me, she made me feel good and that's how I want to feel.
Speaker 1:But yeah, your love language will change from the person you're with and the experiences that you experience. So if someone has never given you quality time like that, all the quality time is just stale. When you get that quality time with someone that made you feel something different, you, that's, that's your new love language. You're like okay, is this what real quality time feels like? Yeah, this is my love language, this is what I want. I love this. I need to feel this on the next relationship. Quality time is my love language and it needs to feel like this. Otherwise it's not. It's not the quality time, because not the time, it's the quality that goes into it. So, yeah, that was, that was the conversation I had around love languages and I think, um, really knowing your love language is important, but understanding that it can change and it's not Bible, it really isn't Bible. Don't be held down by what a friggin' love language is. Just know what you want. So, yeah, okay, okay.
Speaker 1:The other thing that I actually spoke about today, which I had a conversation about, was icks. So you know, when people say, oh my God, oh my God, that gives me the ick. When they oh my god, that gives me the ick. When they do that, it gives me the ick. When they cut their toenails in front of me, oh, it gives me the ick. I thought someone cutting their toenails in front of me gave me the ick. It is not the action that gives you the ick, it is just the person in general. It is the person in general that gives you the ick, because I've been around people that have cut their toenails in front of me and I haven't got the ick. But I absolutely know if there's someone else that tried to cut their toenails in front of me, I'd be like ugh, vom. So it's not the act, it's the person.
Speaker 1:When you fall out of love with someone or you're just not for someone anymore and you're not feeling them anymore. Anything they do is just going to make you feel like look at this fucking idiot, look at this chief just sitting there chewing with their mouth open. Them chewing with their mouth open never bothered you before. But when they're not for you anymore or you've just, you're just over them, or it's just someone that you just didn't really like, you never really liked anyway, you realise you don't like them or whatever You're like, oh, I just hate the way he chews. How can you hate the way someone eats their food? That's not an ick. It's not an ick. You just don't like that person. You just don't like that person.
Speaker 1:I've been around people that burp. They belch after they eat. It's not giving me the ick, get your food. I burp, I can, can imagine I must give people bare ics. If they don't like girls that burp, I must give them bare ics, because I'll be like, oh, that was nice, oh. And then you kind of look at their face and they're looking at you like you dirty piece of scumbag, and you're like, oh shit, sorry, I gave you the ick right now, but that's who I am in it. Let people be who they are. But don't be like. That gives me the ick. Because when you're, when you're absolutely favorite person like this love at first sight just walks in front of you. They could dig their knickers out of their bum and fart at the same time. You'd be like that was so cute. But I remember at one point ics was such a big deal. Oh my god, yeah, he gets. He just gives me the ick. Oh my god, it just gives me the ick.
Speaker 1:But the thing is, the people that need to be here in this conversation, I feel like, are the young people 18, 20s, maybe early 30s. I don't know what they'd be talking about, but maybe they're the ones that have these conversations about icks and stuff. Don't worry, 40 year olds do too, but still, it's just not that deep. But they're not going to listen to my podcast. I don't think they're gonna listen to this, so they're never gonna hear this. But remember that that guy doesn't give you the ick. You just don't like him and that's fine. Don't entertain people that you don't like. Don't be out here, okay.
Speaker 1:With valentine's day coming next week, what day is it? I think it's on a friday, you know? Hang on, let me just check in it because I need to have a word with you lot. Valentine's day is next friday, which means that next weekend, if someone's trying to take you out Friday, saturday, sunday, next week they're trying to take you out for Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1:Be very mindful who you're spending your time with, because they're taking you out for Valentine's Day, they might not, when I say want something not like you know they want to. They want to grab that pussy, it's not like that, but they just might want to pursue you. If you are not interested in that person in that way, please do not waste this man's time. Please, sir, do not waste this woman's time. If you are not interested in her in that way, well, be the man pursuing. If you're interested in her in that way, but she's not showing you, is she?
Speaker 1:Nah, honestly, guys, guys, let me have a quick word with you in it, and you guys won't be listening to this, but maybe someone heard it and you know they have a quick word with you, innit, and you guys won't be listening to this, but maybe someone heard it and you know they wanted to share it with you. Guys, if you're, if you like this girl innit, and she just ain't giving you that time, don't act like you don't see the signs of someone that's not interested. Because some of you act really, stevie Wonder, when you want something, and then say, well, you never told me, she didn't tell you in it. How about? She didn't tell you with her words, but she showed you, she told you about actions and not everyone's great at communicating.
Speaker 1:Trust me, I know, not everyone's good at communicating, not everyone's good at letting people down, and sometimes that is learned behavior that comes from being shut down every time you speak your truth. Yeah, so that when you, when you go on and try and communicate, communication doesn't come easy and honestly and I'm getting a little bit emotional right now because it's, it's, this is a real feeling. It it makes your throat shut down literally. I don't know if, if anyone's ever experienced this look it's like I'm, like I'm losing. Know if, if anyone's ever experienced this, look it's like I'm, like I'm losing my words.
Speaker 1:Now, if you've ever experienced the thought when you need to get something out of you and your throat just feels like it's tightening up and you like even if it would feel like it would hurt to swallow spit at that point because it's so sometimes it's so hard to communicate. It's hard to communicate. If you've just communicate, if you've just if you're, if you've just been in a space at some point where you were shut down when you tried to talk your truth and say things that like upset you or bothered you. It doesn't come easy, but that person will let you know of their actions. If my son was telling me that he was speaking to some girl and she just was like she weren't calling him and when he spoke to her on the phone she was just like yeah, yeah, what's up, like man them in him or something like that, I'd be like baby boy, she don't like you, because this play hard to get doesn't work.
Speaker 1:We're grown adults out here. I don't know how old you might be listening to this, but we're grown adults out here and if someone is not giving you that back, then it's just not that. It just it is what it is. Honestly. It is what it is. And if it feels like it ain't what you want it to be and it ain't relationship status and it's man them and it's friend zone, then babes, it's a friend zone and take it for what it is and find that person that loves you and wants to be with you and wants to love you the way you want to be loved, because we all know how we want to be loved. And if it don't feel like 90s R&B, then what the fuck are we doing out here? Yeah, anyway, do you know? With that said, I ain't got nothing else to say. I ain't got nothing else to say. I feel like that. I feel like, if I'm being a hundred percent, that was a drop mic moment, that was a true drop mic moment. So I'm gonna leave it there.
Speaker 1:And yeah, if you are going out for Valentine's Day, and if you love someone, show them you love them all day, every day, not just on the weekend. We all know this, it's not just about the 14th. But if they love Valentine's Day, do something with them. And it doesn't have to cost a lot of money. You don't have to go out and spend loads of money. You guys can stay in and have a meal. You can go for a cold walk in the park. You can go grab some ice cream. You can go buy a favorite cheesecake if it's lemon cheesecake, do you know what I'm saying? You can go buy a favorite ice cream if it's pistachio ice cream, real gelato, like the proper, proper pistachio ice cream. Go, do that in it. But you don't have to spend loads of money. And if it's in your budget to spend loads of money and buy a hundred, a hundred, a hundred stems of red roses, do that. But it's not necessarily keep it sustainable.
Speaker 1:Make sure you're just getting things that they're going to love, they're going to use, they're going to appreciate, and make sure you're getting it for the right person. You're not just wasting your time. Peace out, a-town down. West side's the best side. Do I believe that? Not really, guys. But wherever I'm at, the vibes are in it. So the vibe's always here. Every week, every Sunday, we're popping off. And do you Stay on this journey with me? Share this, tell a friend to tell a friend, because we ain't going nowhere and the vibe's vibing. Love you guys. Bye.